So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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