There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I want to fling myself into the sun
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
