like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
