I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
