This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
