If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize