omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
