so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
