Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
