remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
