I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
