Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
