You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
