Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
