This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
