thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize