I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
