I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
