My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize