Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
May the power of my ass compel you!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm too high and old for this...
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