I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
