i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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