I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
