He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
