Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
