We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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