Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
