YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
