i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
