"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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