don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
