I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
