Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
