We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
