really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
