If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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