Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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