How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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