I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
