when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
