clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
