I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
