Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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