Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
