if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
