NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's official drugs can't kill me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
