Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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