birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How naked do you want me to be?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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