I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize