I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
