I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
