my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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