am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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