Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
