I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
