I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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