covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
