And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
