my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
