New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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