Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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