why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
