He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
