Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
