Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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