i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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