My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
