So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
