Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
