if you like me you must not know who I am
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
