What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
