I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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