I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
