I faked an abortion last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
