So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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