"it" just moved
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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