I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
