paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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