First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
