So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
