you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize