the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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