your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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