Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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