they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
