I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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