im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Less talking, more tequila
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
