Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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