omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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