He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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