Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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