I am puke
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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