So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
