I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
