My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
