we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
