Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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