I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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