Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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