I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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