Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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