I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
