This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Holy shit dude........stairs
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize