Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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