with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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