Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
