he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
