I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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