I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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