my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
