god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
