Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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