Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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