I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
In America we eat man semen.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
