Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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