Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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