Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
