Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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