So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
